I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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