So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
