there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize