Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
