It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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