Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
