dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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