No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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