You work out of a Hotel?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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