How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
