My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
