I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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