Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Drunk is a universal language darling
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