Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
