So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
