WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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