went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
