Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
