All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
