no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
