I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
