that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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