dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
