i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
