I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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