Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
