i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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