Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
