Kiss
Puke
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Randomize
