Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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