im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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