Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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