Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
