That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
