Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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