happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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