Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
