i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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