i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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