Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
