Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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