She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
