the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
