Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
