Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
