I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
