I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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