She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
