so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
