i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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