and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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