You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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