New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
