I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
