I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I love having hate sex.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
