In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
