its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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