Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
