you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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