Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize