Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
