the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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