In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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