One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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