Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
