So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We don't watch enough power rangers
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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