you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
