You don't have asthma, your pregnant
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
