you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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