Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
