wanna go halves on a baby?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
