There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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